He Moves Me

Several months ago I took a brief sabbatical. My husband and I had agreed that we each needed to have a weekend alone, away from normal routines to have time to think, pray, worship and be with God. I took mine in October last year.

I spent Friday night in a motel room worshipping the Lord with music (not too loud :-), and both Saturday and Sunday I spent in nature. Friday I went to an arboretum. It was a perfect day, sunny and warm but not too hot, but since it was October it was nearly deserted and I almost had the place to myself (like 250 acres or something). I just soaked up God's glory as I looked at His creations. Somehow the shades of green in nature just fill me up with good feelings. The breeze was just perfect to set the colored leaves fluttering on the branches. Mmmmm, I love autumn.

Saturday I spent on the beach. Relaxing to the rhythmic splashing of the waves on the sand. Awestruck by the vastness of the water and the very strong wind. Walking and thinking and just feeling God all around me. It was wonderful. How can anyone think this could just happen on it's own?

It was wonderfully refreshing.

I had hoped that God would speak to me during that time with a flash of light or some other instant and powerful new knowing. I came home feeling good, but a little disappointed I hadn't had any great new revelations. When my husband asked me about it I tried to explain as best I could but I couldn't really put together the few bits I felt maybe God wanted me to get out of it. All I really felt was that God wanted me to to do something for him. What? Anything. Just do something. Something for others so they can see God. But that didn't seem new or amazing and it just seemed there was something more than that and I just couldn't see it. And besides, he didn't tell me specifically what I should do. Still had to figure that out.

It has taken me time to process it. But those bits have come together now. When I went away I was feeling beaten down by my failure, because I kept repeating the same sins: yelling at my children, anger at my husband, envy of others' talents, lack of my own self-discipline, etc. But I was the one beating myself up over those things. Over and over again. That weekend God was trying to tell me that I wasn't moving forward, wasn't accomplishing things for Him because I was too busy dwelling on my past sin. I was labeling myself as a failure and preventing myself from being an active participant in God's work. He had forgiven me and my sin was as far from me as the east is from the west. I needed to live that. Lightbulb moment! :-)

I haven't completely broken free but God's working on it. And I've started moving. In fact, the revelation didn't come until after I was obedient to God's urging me to do something for Him. I've always been concerned with meeting others' needs when they are in difficult circumstances. The idea began to grow of starting a food pantry in our church. I began researching the idea and got another lady from church on board and the pastor is eager for us to begin. We've got lots of ideas and a location within the church. Unfortunately, Satan has been trying to hinder our church recently, and so the pantry is still waiting for approval and a budget while other things are handled. But writing this post helps me remember I need to not let this slip away, but to do what I can to move forward with it so I am obedient to God's call to me: To do something for othersto share His Glory with them.