Nearly two years ago my mother-in-law (mil) went to her heavenly home and God decided I needed to grow. My father-in-law (fil) came to live with us.
He's a nice guy and a Christian so it should be easy to live with him, right? Well, I've been struggling with this situation nearly the whole time he's been here. I mean, initially I was for it. My husband is an only child and my fil wouldn't have enough money without his wife's social security to continue living in their apartment. Or really anywhere for that matter. His only son should take care of him. Family should take care of family. I believe that, but it's not always easy. And about 4 months after his arrival I found myself wishing he'd just go home. Only, he was home. Right here with us.
It's really like having another child. That may sound mean, but it's true. He can't drive and has lots of doctor appointments, so we are constantly having to spend a lot of time chaffeuring him. He is very self-centered. No matter the topic, for him it's all about how it will affect him. He overreacts and yells when the baby does minor things. He's even argued with children in a "you started it" type of debate.
Our daughters had to give up their bedroom for my fil. They are in an unsatisfactory "bedroom" (others have to walk through it to get their bedrooms) with no closet and very little space for their things. The baby who would be in with her sisters is still in our bedroom. When we moved to this house I thought, "how great,!"finally we could move a baby out of our room when we were ready instead of them staying because there was no where else to put him/her. Practically speaking, we just don't have room for him anymore. At first it wasn't too bad, but we really need that bedroom back for children. We can't afford an addition or any other option we've explored so far.
And then there's just all the annoying things he does. I know we all have annoying habits. I have them and so does dh, but we chose to live with each other. I feel like I was forced to live with my fil (not by anyone, but by the situation) and I resent that.
I could list all kinds of things he does that would get you on my side and sympathetic to having to deal with all this, but I'm not going to do that. I know that for the most part, my struggle to deal with this is mine. I'm the problem. I'm too easily irritated. I expect too much. I just can't be the sweet servant that I picture God would like me to be. I guess it's my resentment that my fil and mil were foolish with their money all their lives. Now he pays the price, but so do my husband and I. I can't forgive him for making terrible choices in the way he handled money and was (and is) so passive and unambitious that they ended in deep debt.
What I've shared isn't easy. I know I'm being selfish and petty. I know this is not how I should feel. I should be happy to help a loved one, one who helped make my husband who he is. I am not proud of my thoughts. I've prayed a lot about this. Prayed for help in forgiving, for a sweet spirit, for a humble heart. So far they haven't arrived. I continue to struggle with this. Sometimes I pray that God will find him somewhere else to live so I don't have to deal with all of it. I pray for God to work out the bedroom situation soon. Even though I never say anything negative about my fil to or in front of my children the girls wish they could have their bedroom back and kind of resent Grandpa for taking it.
So why did I share all this? Well, this blog is mainly for me to really take a look at myself. To be honest about me. In this case, honest about my failings so that I can make the changes I need to. I can see that my attitude and tone of voice with him is getting worse not better, but I can't seem to stop it. So, I could use prayer. It's painfully obvious to me that I cannot change myself, only God can change me.
"Lord, I pray that you would change my heart. Help me to forgive my fil. You have forgiven me so many things, often much worse than being foolish with my money. Show my how to forgive. Help me to truly love my fil. Love is an action, so help me to show that love by the way I talk and the things I do. I know I can't do these things myself. Only you have the power to change my wicked heart from selfish to selfless; from resentful to forgiving; from short-tempered to sweet-tempered; from hateful to loving. Please work in me for your glory. Amen"
He's a nice guy and a Christian so it should be easy to live with him, right? Well, I've been struggling with this situation nearly the whole time he's been here. I mean, initially I was for it. My husband is an only child and my fil wouldn't have enough money without his wife's social security to continue living in their apartment. Or really anywhere for that matter. His only son should take care of him. Family should take care of family. I believe that, but it's not always easy. And about 4 months after his arrival I found myself wishing he'd just go home. Only, he was home. Right here with us.
It's really like having another child. That may sound mean, but it's true. He can't drive and has lots of doctor appointments, so we are constantly having to spend a lot of time chaffeuring him. He is very self-centered. No matter the topic, for him it's all about how it will affect him. He overreacts and yells when the baby does minor things. He's even argued with children in a "you started it" type of debate.
Our daughters had to give up their bedroom for my fil. They are in an unsatisfactory "bedroom" (others have to walk through it to get their bedrooms) with no closet and very little space for their things. The baby who would be in with her sisters is still in our bedroom. When we moved to this house I thought, "how great,!"finally we could move a baby out of our room when we were ready instead of them staying because there was no where else to put him/her. Practically speaking, we just don't have room for him anymore. At first it wasn't too bad, but we really need that bedroom back for children. We can't afford an addition or any other option we've explored so far.
And then there's just all the annoying things he does. I know we all have annoying habits. I have them and so does dh, but we chose to live with each other. I feel like I was forced to live with my fil (not by anyone, but by the situation) and I resent that.
I could list all kinds of things he does that would get you on my side and sympathetic to having to deal with all this, but I'm not going to do that. I know that for the most part, my struggle to deal with this is mine. I'm the problem. I'm too easily irritated. I expect too much. I just can't be the sweet servant that I picture God would like me to be. I guess it's my resentment that my fil and mil were foolish with their money all their lives. Now he pays the price, but so do my husband and I. I can't forgive him for making terrible choices in the way he handled money and was (and is) so passive and unambitious that they ended in deep debt.
What I've shared isn't easy. I know I'm being selfish and petty. I know this is not how I should feel. I should be happy to help a loved one, one who helped make my husband who he is. I am not proud of my thoughts. I've prayed a lot about this. Prayed for help in forgiving, for a sweet spirit, for a humble heart. So far they haven't arrived. I continue to struggle with this. Sometimes I pray that God will find him somewhere else to live so I don't have to deal with all of it. I pray for God to work out the bedroom situation soon. Even though I never say anything negative about my fil to or in front of my children the girls wish they could have their bedroom back and kind of resent Grandpa for taking it.
So why did I share all this? Well, this blog is mainly for me to really take a look at myself. To be honest about me. In this case, honest about my failings so that I can make the changes I need to. I can see that my attitude and tone of voice with him is getting worse not better, but I can't seem to stop it. So, I could use prayer. It's painfully obvious to me that I cannot change myself, only God can change me.
"Lord, I pray that you would change my heart. Help me to forgive my fil. You have forgiven me so many things, often much worse than being foolish with my money. Show my how to forgive. Help me to truly love my fil. Love is an action, so help me to show that love by the way I talk and the things I do. I know I can't do these things myself. Only you have the power to change my wicked heart from selfish to selfless; from resentful to forgiving; from short-tempered to sweet-tempered; from hateful to loving. Please work in me for your glory. Amen"
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